Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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