If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
