I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hippo gnu deer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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