First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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