Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
