I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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