Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
