Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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