I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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