I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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