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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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