i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's shark week go big or go home
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
