And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
