Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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