I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There r osticjed everywhere
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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