Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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