i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
