my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
