He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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