Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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