Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
