so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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