ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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