she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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