your thong is hanging out like whoa
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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