I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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