I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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