i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
