bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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