i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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