I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize