At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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