All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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