my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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