wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
