Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
