I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
