His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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