in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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