i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
