and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
