I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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