me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
