like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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