So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
