i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
