Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
