You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
