i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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