If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
