this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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