She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
