and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
