Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
