Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
