True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
