I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
