Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
