I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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