dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
