I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
