Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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