yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
