Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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