so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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