I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
