Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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