I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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