I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
