NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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