I'm lost and stupid without you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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