I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
