No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
