And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
